A small thing part of a big thing/ another existentialism episode/ one more wave of robot feelings (Newsletter No. 17.5)

It’s the small moments that make us big.  Isn’t it amazing that we go through the motions that millions have, are, and will.  And the fact that we did it won’t matter so much at all to anyone not even decades after we’re gone.  And yet, still, even with this knowledge, it can all feel so very big. The knowledge doesn’t stop us from suffering or reveling every step of the way.  The first step, lost tooth, engagement, marriage, pregnancy.***  In the universe of our mind it still feels bigger and ever bigger than anything we can possibly ever imagine.   Even if/when we know it’s the same script trajectory that ran, runs, will run again and again and again.

Or maybe we think it’s beautiful to simply be one legacy baton holder at a particular moment in time. Do we really think there is something beautiful to be one tiny fish part of the larger fuller school that bends and swells in synchronicity, focusing on the power of unison and vastness, rather than the inescapable sameness(?)/inevitable forgetting (?).  To be part of something, that is part of something, that is part of something that is meant to, that means…what…?

***obviously exceptions apply, but for all intents and purposes of this thought, I am talking about what dominates my personal Facebook feed